I've been sick the past few days and it makes me feel worse when I realize I haven't seen "the boys" in so long. They live about 20 minutes away from me, yet I can't seem to get to see them often enough. Today I don't have the little ones, but I am still down with whatever this bug is, so I can't make it to their football games. I sometimes feel like to worst grandparent in the world. I try to give all I can to the little ones and then it seems as though there's nothing left for the boys.
I love them immensely, I hope they know it. My goal is to figure out how to give enough to all of them that they never say "Nanny loved you more than she loved me". I know I felt that way about both of my grandmothers. As an adult I realize that both of them were giving all they had to the grandchildren who had the least, but they never seemed to make me feel like I was any more to them than a visitor. It would have been okay, had I not seen how giving and loving they were to the other grandkids - if we were all treated the same when we were together. But they weren't that way, and it hurt.
These two boys love baseball and football and bikes and boards and anything that keeps them moving. They are so active, they are going constantly! Their mom has sure taken well to being a mom to boys. She is so feminine, but she sure has adapted to the "boys life". She thrives on their energy and zest for life. Their dad is all man and keeps these boys in activities to build their confidence and strengthen their character. He is so involved with them that it helps me to know that they don't miss me as much if I'm not able to be there all the time. I guess that's something my grandmothers knew, if a parent is missing or unable to provide, you do all you can to fill the gaping hole. Since these two have Mom and Dad so involved in their lives, I am doing the right thing by focusing on the lives of the little ones who are missing that right now.
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