Today I reminded my oldest that she doesn't have to apologize to me for not doing some things. I told her that her priorities are in order, and unless she's apologizing for not keeping her priorities in order, there's nothing to apologize for. We each have to determine what is most important in our life, and we have to set aside time in our lives for what matters most. This child is taking care of what matters most all the time, and I'm so very proud of her.
It reminded me of what I'm not taking care of in my life, how my priorities keep slipping. I explain it away due to not feeling well, or being too tired, not having enough time, lack of focus, lack of dollars, whatever...but I know those are poor excuses. It made me think of a date in the future when I may have to explain myself to someone, and I have to consider the impact of my choices on those around me.
I've been extremely judgmental of someone without realizing I'm doing similar things - yet I justify my actions while I rant and rave about theirs. I have been witnessing someone who seems to be very selfish when it comes to my little ones. Their selfishness makes me angry, yet I have been selfish in a similar fashion - so I've made the decision to attempt to counteract their selfishness. There are some activities I know these little ones would love to participate in that I'm not interested in or don't have any experience with. I've realized I don't have to engage in the "exact" activity to bring them the joy they might get from going all out in - - - let's say bowling, just to pick something specific. If they want to bowl, and I have no idea even how to bowl, I could set up a lane down the hall and knock down water bottles with a ball, or make a miniature bowling lane on a tabletop with some craft item. I could even get a board game that simulates the game so we could play it in the house rather than going to a bowling alley. There's even the option of a video game that we could play together. Just because I don't know how to bowl, doesn't really justify me taking that pleasure away from the little ones, I should find a way to bring it into their lives and let them explore their horizons.
This entry won't make much sense to anyone, but it's given me some ideas to follow through on that I think will make me feel better and will certainly give the kids a laugh or too, and that's really what it's all about, helping these little ones grow into happy, healthy adults - some day. I guess it goes back to "children learning what they live". My decision today will hopefully prevent me from needing to apologize later for not doing some things I should be doing, and eventually teach these little ones not to point the finger like I have been doing. Lots of lessons learned here and it's all thanks to someone I don't like very much at all.
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